My heart and mind hurt so much that I wanted to throw up. I had so many emotions that I wanted to release, and all of a sudden they wouldn’t come out.
I spent a great deal of time writing how I felt, and mid-way through writing, I stopped. I didn’t want to share because I felt selfish. I felt that my pain was nothing compared to what others are feeling. I felt spoiled, and bitchy for even feeling the way I did, the way I still do.
I have a question. Something i’d like to know is at which point do we know if our feelings are valid? How deeply hurt do we have to be in order for our pain to be considered pain? How many times do you go to bed crying about something considered stupid, and unimportant.
Let me just say that I think it’s fucking annoying when others put a level of importance on YOUR feelings.
I cried today. I cried because I feel unappreciated. I feel like my family doesn’t realize the little things I do, and it hurt me, so I cried.
Some may think I’m spoiled and superficial for crying about that. And to that I quote Bart Simpson and say “eat my shorts”.
Of course, other people have it worse than I do. I know that. But that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to feel the way I feel.
I’m not going to sit here and COMPARE my pain to someone else’s pain. I don’t think that’s fair, and to be frank, I don’t think that proves anything. I don’t need to validate my feelings in order to make them real. I’m not looking for someone to give me their shoulder to cry on, or to feel bad for me and tell me everything is going to be okay, because I already know it’s going to be okay–if I decide to make it okay.
I already know that things can get better and that tomorrow could be better than today, and even if it isn’t, I know someday it will be. I know that I have a bed to sleep on at night, and I have food to eat and water to drink, I KNOW. I am grateful, I appreciate everything that is given to me, all the privileges that have been given to me.
But I also know that I am allowed to feel the way I do.
But this is a message to those who don’t know this. Those who are shut down, those whose feelings aren’t taken seriously, whose feelings are compared to others.
See, I’ve learnt through the experiences I’ve had that I am in control of my happiness. Sometimes I don’t realize it and I sulk for a few days, weeks or even months. Sometimes I go through phases of feeling low. But I think it’s important for me to let myself go through that. I think it’s important for me to allow myself to be low so that I could experience the courage and strength it takes for me to pick myself up. It teaches me for the next time, and there will be other times I’m sure. I believe that I need to allow myself to feel pain, and to sit in ocean’s of tears and sadness so that I could cherish the happiness when I’m in it. There are some people however, who let themselves sink too deep, and can’t find a way out. Those who can’t muster up the strength to lift themselves out of their misery. And in many occasions, they never find a way out.
This comes down to you. If you’ve ever experienced a low, or have gone through a painful experience. Be aware of your strength. And if your strength hasn’t grown to it’s full potential, and you feel like you could use a boost, realize the options surrounding you. The helping hands that are surrounding us. Most importantly, don’t allow anyone to label your pain, to make it feel stupid or unimportant. Because it’s not. It’s YOUR pain, and you’re allowed to feel it.
Take a pen and paper, and write everything that makes you happy. And if by chance, you can’t think of anything that makes you feel happy, start with something that makes you content, and build it, or make it your own. A song that you like? Start writing your own songs that you’ll love. A food you like eating? Start cooking your own and learning new recipes that you’ll love. Do your animals make you happy? Do your friends make you happy? Do youtubers make you happy and make you laugh? Do sports make you happy? Does makeup make you happy? Do books make you happy? Does art make you happy? There are so many things that could make you happy, you just have to believe that it’s out there. And if you don’t even know what makes you happy, just think that somewhere out there is waiting for you to make them happy. Even if you don’t know them, and they don’t know you, you could one day be someone’s happy that they couldn’t find.